


Reunion

by TheMarkovProperty



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forgiveness, Post-Wanted, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMarkovProperty/pseuds/TheMarkovProperty
Summary: Stevonnie formed clutching as much of their body as they could possibly hold. Tears already streaming down their cheeks, their breathing came deep and frantic, as if to compensate for lost time.“I thought I’d never be me again,” they eventually whispered. “I was so scared; I missed you so much.”Their eyes opened to a silent and spinning room, empty save for Garnet and Steven-dad on the porch. The room shuddered, and they braced themself against the mattress, “Woah. I- I don’t feel so good.”“Do you… want to?”“No! No.”“It’s OK. We’re OK.”“I’m here,” they reminded each other. “With you.”They closed their eyes and folded their legs.“Flexibility?” They took a deep breath, freeing their mind of bias and judgement. “Check.”“Love.” They smirked and shrunk slightly, both nervous and proud.Their exuberance quickly turned to uncertainty. “Trust?” Unbidden, a scene unfolded across their mind’s eye, one of desperation and failure, of broken promises, of dark, empty skies.They let the thought play out then took a moment to calm their mind. “We can start there.”Tell me everything.





	1. Chapter 1

_One month prior_

Steven and Connie shared strong opinions on many topics, but few were as fervent and cohesive as their opinions on pizza – their “pizzapinions” – yet even in this most hallowed camaraderie they suffered a seemingly irreconcilable difference.

Connie considered herself a staunch pizza traditionalist, and she could have said the same of Steven were it not for his most improper proclivity for the fish toppings upon which he had been weaned. Neither approved of strange crust contours, and the thought of pineapple filled them both with nausea, but while Steven often enjoyed his pizza topped with salmon chunks or fried mahi-mahi, Connie couldn’t tolerate their “des-pesce-able” presence.

So what was a hungry fusion to do in the middle of the night when the stores were closed and the fridge was empty save for two slices of a tuna, veggie medley? Were they to pick off the fish and struggle past the oily residue? Were they to cover it in other toppings to disguise the taste? Were they to unfuse, allowing Steven to eat yet leaving Connie hungry? Were they to forget the whole affair and leave Sheena’s leftovers to spoil? Were they yet desperate enough to thaw out that slice of long-forgotten fruitcake? No, no they weren’t.

So instead, they sought out an expert.

“Garnet!” they had pleaded as they dashed across her room, holding their paper-towel-clad problem aloft, “Help, help, help!”

The elder fusion glanced at the oil-sodden cloth before returning her attention to her protégé. They were clearly in dire need of advice, as demonstrated by the fact that they were fidgeting, bouncing, and bobbing in the way that only Steven could, yet she gathered that this was a Human Thing, and she rarely found herself in a position to provide helpful Human Thing advice, “I don’t understand.”

As if by way of explanation, they thrust the pizza toward her face, “Connie really doesn’t like fish on her pizza, but I’m really hungry, and it’s the only thing we have! What should I do?”

Garnet hummed to herself and thought for a long moment. She observed them with a serious expression that indicated she was giving their predicament the respect and consideration it urgently deserved.

“Stevonnie,” she replied, “you won’t always be in agreement. Sometimes there are problems that no amount of talking can overcome, problems that time alone can solve. One day, Connie may grow to appreciate fish pizza-”

“Ehhhh…”

“But in the meantime, you need to find a compromise that considers both of their feelings.”

“How do I do that? The only thing that makes sense is to unfuse, let Steven eat, and re-fuse afterward, but that feels… wrong! And Connie will still be hungry when we go to bed! I- I think.” They placed a hand on their belly and stared down at their gem thoughtfully, “Hmmmm. How does that work?”

“Just because you don’t agree, doesn’t mean you have to unfuse. We are a choice, and just as you can choose to let this issue divide you, so too can you choose to unite around it.”

Stevonnie blinked, “Huh?”

“A fusion has to want _to be._ Agreement helps, but it’s not enough on its own.”

“It isn’t?” asked the young fusion.

“No. A shared goal can provide purpose, and an argument can make you want to separate, but neither matters as long as you want to be you.” Garnet thought for a moment, “It’s like that time in the kindergarten, when Steven and I found those fusion experiments.”

Stevonnie’s eyes grew wide at the half-fresh memory. They nodded.

“Ruby and Sapphire were horrified. We showed Homeworld that different types of gems could fuse, and they used that knowledge to…” She clenched her fists and looked away. “The guilt was overwhelming. I almost came apart. But Steven reminded me about what it means to be me, and I pulled myself back together.”

“I think I understand,” they slowly replied. “There was this race. We both wanted to win so bad, but I got angry and lost control. I wasn’t being a good experience, so I stopped _being_.”

Garnet nodded, “Powerful emotions upset the balance that holds us together. If left unaddressed, they can cause you to fall apart, even if you don’t want to. That’s why flexibility and communication are so important.”

She looked down at her gems, “Sometimes, I have to make hard choices for everyone, and Ruby and Sapphire don’t always see eye to eyes.” She moved a hand to their shoulder, “But I can’t allow those disagreements to come between us because I am more important than our differences.”

“I thought you agreed on everything.”

Garnet chuckled softly.

“But how?” Stevonnie wondered. “If Ruby and Sapphire feel differently about something, how do you stay together? How do you decide: ‘what’s the right thing to do?’”

“Fusion is a bond of trust, a commitment to understanding. As long as you’re willing to listen, disunion won’t force you apart.

“Talk about your problem; acknowledge each other’s feelings; be honest, and be patient. Don’t ignore it. It may feel easier, safer, to keep those feelings hidden, but remember why you have each other, and know that you are strongest together.”

All around, thousands of gems twinkled in the warm lava-light of Garnet’s room, but Stevonnie’s grin outshone them all, “Cool! Cool. But, umm, what does this have to do with pizza?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh.”

“But I hope it helped.”

They bubbled their dinner and let it float by their side as they hugged their mentor, “It did.  Thanks Garnet!”

“Any time.”

They rushed back to the kitchen where they considered their options anew. Eventually, they realized that, while they couldn’t control how the pizza tasted, they could control how they tasted the pizza, and after some patient experimentation, they reformed their palate in a way that made their slices taste like those of a humble, cheese pie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When I see the way you look,_   
>  _Shaken by how long it took,_   
>  _I could do about anything._   
>  _I could even learn how to love, like you._
> 
> _Love me, like you._

With one last, measured flick, Steven glanced up from the hole he had methodically sculpted into the sand. For the last ten minutes, it had been the primary focus of his attention, but with his story now told, he knew he couldn’t forestall the oncoming conversation any longer.

“So…” he said. “That’s what happened.”

Connie sat across from him, further than he would have liked but closer than he might have feared. Above, the stars twinkled in everlasting twilight, but Steven didn’t need their help to know something was wrong in this, the world they shared.

“This is usually the part where you say… something?”

But Connie didn’t reply. She couldn’t. Not after what she just heard and half-experienced. Where would she even begin? To begin to begin? She didn’t know, so instead she fret silently, head hung between her knees.

“Like, ‘that seems really scary!’ or, like, ‘so Lars is a zombie now!?’ or like, uhh…”

“‘I wish I’d been there?’”

Steven winced at the bitterness in her voice. She’d been distant since his return a few hours prior, never further than arm’s reach but distant all the same. As the evening came to an end, Garnet had sat the two down, told them that they needed to talk, and walked away. Fusing had almost been an accident, so relieved were they to be reunited, yet Stevonnie had felt strange, almost groggy, and they had found it hard to focus.

Neither had wanted to separate, not after everything that’d happened, but as they breathed together and struggled to calm their mind, Stevonnie had worried that they might not be able to hold their selves together. But they had found balance eventually, and they weren’t about to give up now.

Still, Connie’s unease had only grown as she witnessed Steven’s trials firsthand, and privately, Steven wondered if it had been worry or anger that finally overwhelmed the dam of her silence.

Somehow, he didn’t know. An unnatural mist had rolled in from the sea, thickening as the tale progressed. No matter how he leaned, it eclipsed her expression, its swirling mass seemingly clinging to her face.

Yet he could still feel, faintly, the emotions churning with her – as nebulous as the mists that separated them – usually so free, now suppressed, as they had been since becoming One. Connie trembled with the pressure of their captivity. It would be so much easier, she thought, if she just knew why he felt like this!

Every week, they would practice their communication under Garnet’s direction, sometimes fused, sometimes not. Still, they had come to rely on the strength of their connection as a means of understanding. But with their greater mind diverted, their experience was one of memory without perspective, emotion without clarity, and thought without unity. They were lost in each other without the guidance of their Self, and for the first time since that period so long ago, that period she’d almost let herself forget, Connie didn’t know how to proceed.

“Uhh, yeah,” Steven replied, “something like that. Y’know, u-usually.”

“I should have been there.”

It was a thought – a secret – that slipped through their connection. Steven almost didn’t hear it, for her voice was hoarse and choked with sorrow.

Steven returned his attention to his rapidly-filling hole but couldn’t find the motivation to continue excavating.

A small voice broke the silence.

“How could you, Steven?”

As he looked up, a dozen justifications sprung to his tongue – how he did it for her, to protect the Earth, to satiate the Diamonds’ wrath, how it was his destiny and that although he was doomed, she wasn’t, and he didn’t want her to be – but before he could choose, Connie pressed on.

“How could you just stand there and- and _beg_ for- for death? You’re worth something; you matter! Don’t you remember? You taught me that.”

Little by little, the mist around her began to disperse, and through the crumbling mask of fog, Steven found not indignation, but fear.

Connie Maheswaran, the hero who fought monsters and aliens head-on without the luxury of superpowers, the explorer who was always the first into the unknown, the friend who – at the risk of incurring her mother’s retribution – stayed up past her bedtime to talk him through the nightmares, the one who had asked him to the school dance, that Connie, his Connie, was terrified because of him. Only then did he start to understand the full extent of his decision, of the costs he could never pay.

“W-what? What are you talking about?”

“The trial, Steven! How could you confess to something you didn’t do? They gave you a chance to clear your name, but instead you tried to convince them to kill you! Why didn’t you tell them the truth? Why didn’t you defend yourself? _How could you?_ ”

The ground shook, the tide surged, yet Steven remained silent and still.

She slammed her fists into the sand, “Steven! Answer me!”

“I had to. If they didn’t think I did it, they’d just come back after- And it’s not like they were actually going to let me go.”

“But you didn’t even try! The Steven I know always tries, always hopes. Don’t you think you’re worth hoping for?”

Again, Steven had no answer.

The ground’s rumbling intensified. The stars shone impossibly bright.

“If Lars hadn’t been there, would you have just given up? Are you- are you just gonna- l-leave again- w-when-”

The thought was too terrible to finish but too real to ignore. She could already see it, see _him,_ sneaking onto a stolen ship, his fearful, last glance back, the door slamming in front of her as she pounded and wailed and pried, the craft, too slick to cling to, floating off without her, and with a blink of black light, he was gone forever. Again.

Chunks of rock shook free of the cliff behind them, crashing through the beach as though it wasn’t there.

“Connie! _Connie!_ ” Steven tried to scamper closer, crawling in his haste, but he made no progress, and when he reached for her, she was always a little further. “It’s OK! It’s just a thought!”

“No it’s not!” She cradled her head between her knees, yet the scene still looped in her mind. She couldn’t shut it out: ship, Steven, door, stars, ship, Steven, _“I love you,”_ darkness. “Not this time.”

Steven felt it too – the pent up emotions of the past days: the loneliness, the despair, the helplessness, the guilt; there was no hiding it anymore, and his heart ached in sympathy. The tide was almost upon them, but he knew that if he could stretch just a little more, he could fix it, like he always did. He had to.

“I’m here, Connie! I’m here, and I’m safe, and I’m not gonna leave. Everything’s fine! Please don’t cry.”

Connie looked up, eyes widening as she noticed that they were quickly unraveling. Her gaze shifted first to the crumbling cliff side, then to the ocean, where a storm of emotion promised to overwhelm them, and finally back to Steven, who, despite his best efforts, was slowly sliding away.

She couldn’t let that happen, not again, so soon after his return. She may have been angry and upset and afraid, but confronting those emotions together was so much better than facing them alone.

But it was more than that. Once, she too had tried to assume more responsibility than was fair, to act as a sacrifice on behalf of those she loved, but he had shown her a better way. This time, it was her turn to pull him back, and she would get through to him, no matter what.

So she stretched as far as she could, and as her fingers found his, the roar of earth diminished into a grumble, the tide ceased its advance, and the starlight was hidden behind a cover of clouds.

“Don’t go,” she whispered. It felt like a question.

“I won’t.”

Their grasp tightening, they pulled themselves together. The ground slowly shifted in accordance to their will. They came to rest not as they should be but noticeably closer than they had been before.

Steven helped clear her eyes, as she had occasionally done for him in the moments he allowed his doubt to show. “Fish pizza…” he mumbled.

“Yuck,” she agreed.

They shared a smirk and wondered how they ever cared about a difference so small.

As they waited for their world to stabilize, Connie struggled to order her thoughts. She desperately tried to recall Garnet’s advice, but it was all so very hazy, and how was she supposed to visualize her problem when she didn’t even know what it was, why it was? In time, she could forgive a bad decision made in haste and under duress. Trust would follow. But how was she supposed to address what amounted to a lifetime of conditioned martyrdom?

There was only one answer.

“I’m sorry,” she eventually said.

“It’s not your fault. It’s- it’s mine.”

Connie shook her head, “It’s both of ours. I overreacted.”

Steven could still feel the shadow of that overwhelming helplessness, and it stirred the doubt and guilt that had been so blessedly repressed. “I don’t think so…”

“I mean I panicked. You were trying to explain, but I wasn’t listening. I barely remember what you said, and- I think some of those are actually your memories… I just- got so wrapped up in my own worry that I lost sight, and I made us feel,” she gestured around them, “like that.”

“It’s OK.”

“And I’m not angry,” Connie tried. She frowned, “OK. That’s not true. I am angry. But I don’t want to be. I want to be happy; I’m _supposed_ to be happy, elated! But- I’m not.”

Steven gave her a sympathetic look, but didn’t interrupt.

“You survived, and I’ve never been so _relieved_ , but, Steven, you tried to erase someone I love, and I don’t know how to forgive you for that.” She groaned in frustration, “I want to, and I’m _trying!_ I’m really trying, but I just don’t know how to feel about- about any of this.”

To her surprise, he nodded understandingly, “I know what you mean.”

“You do?”

“Yeah… The gems’ve almost killed me a bunch of times, but I forgave them, and they forgave each other. You just… get used to it?”

“I don’t want to get used to it!” she cried. “And this is different! I can protect you from gems or monsters or killer robots, but I can’t protect you from…”

“I know, but the diamonds think I’m on Homeworld. They won’t look for me here.”

Connie almost laughed. Did he really not understand? “Not them.”

“Then, from what?”

Connie forced herself to uncoil, practically pushing her knees away from her chest and back into a normal, resting position. She cupped her hands in her lap and took a deep breath before continuing, “When you left, you sounded so defeated, like- you’d given up. At first, I couldn’t believe it, but now I’m- I’m scared it might be true.”

Steven winced, “I…”

“But I haven’t.”

Steven smiled weakly but stopped when Connie didn’t return it, “What… happened while I was gone?”

“Not much. It… hasn’t been long.”

Steven didn’t need to be a mind reader to know something was off with her reply, but it helped. He gave her a look that suggested as much.

“It’s not important. You’re back now. Can’t we talk about that?”

“I think it’s important. I know you’re hurting; I can feel it too. You need to talk about it if you want to feel better.”

“I just don’t want you to feel bad. You’re always helping people work through their problems, and you’ve been there for me so many times. We can talk about how I feel later, but right now it’s your turn. I need to be here for you. ”

“It already feels bad,” said Steven. He gestured to the mist and the clouds and the unstable cliffs, “I hate that you feel like this, and it’s so much worse knowing it’s my fault.” He stared at her with big, puffy, puppy dog eyes, “I won’t feel better until we talk about it. Please.”

Connie sighed at this newest instance of his classic, selfish selflessness, but she couldn’t deny how much she needed to vent her own frustrations. Maybe, she thought, it was better to start with it, maybe it could help clear her head, maybe it was only fair that she repay his honesty with her own, and maybe it would help him understand just how deep that selfishness could cut.

“When you… left, we all panicked,” she admitted. “I don’t even remember how we got to shore, just that I tried to swim after you. They probably picked me up and carried me like a little girl,” she mumbled, “a little _human_ girl, one who’s silly enough to try and swim into space. Yeah, a little, silly, human space-swimmer. And I might as well have kept swimming for all the help I was.”

Steven wanted to say that it wasn’t true, that he was sure she was a lot of help, that she wasn’t silly but brave, that the gems respected her and that getting carried only proves someone cares, that her humanity wasn’t a weakness but a strength. Instead, he fidgeted quietly. It wasn’t time to argue but to listen.

“We had a huge argument on the beach about what we were gonna do. That’s where your dad found us. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he pulled up, like he already knew…”

Suddenly, their awareness began to shift as their thoughts became one, pulled along by the increasingly familiar sensation of reexperiencing the past.

* * *

_“Where is he? Where’s Steven?”_

_They couldn’t hear the gems’ reply._

_“He did what?! But we’re going after him, right?”_

_“The ship … no way off planet. Even if …”_

_It was a chilly night on the beach, and they were soaked from the swim back to shore. Some, fuzzy part of their brain realized they should be cold, but they weren’t._

_Dad stalked forward, and in another circumstance, they might have been afraid. “How could you let this happen? I trusted you! She trusted you.”_

 

_They stood beside Mom on the front porch. She had a duffle bag with her. There was hurried discussion all around them, but it was muffled and warped. Mom was addressing them now. She wanted something, an answer to a question they hadn’t understood. They blinked in reply. She pressed a towel into their hands and pushed them inside._

 

_They were in the shower, huddled in the back of the tub, but they weren’t crying; they **weren’t**. Because it wasn’t over. Because they could make it. Because they would save him._

_At first the water had burned, but they deserved it. They had failed, and they relished the experience of feeling anything at all. Who were they to play hero, to play the part of a liegeless knight, one of a pair of equals? They were just some kid, and no one believed in them. Apparently, not even him._

_The water wasn’t warm anymore._

 

_Nothing’s worse than doing nothing, and as a doctor, Mom understood that better than most. She was letting them stay, letting them fight to bring him home, but first, she insisted they sleep._

_“It’s going to be OK,” she said as she tucked them in. She kissed their forehead and squeezed their shoulder. “I love you.”_

_Their reply was throttled by a fresh wave of sobs. Their countenance broke, and their tears finally flowed free._

_“Honey, what’s wrong?”_

_“That was the last thing he said!”_

_She snatched them up, pulling them into a fierce hug, and she was all the right things: warm and firm, present and silent._

* * *

“I needed you to know.”

“But _I_ never got to tell _you_. I could have, but I never did. How was I supposed to live with that?”

* * *

_They were lying in their bed, curled up in the corner. Mom had gone home at some point, but they had woken up._

_“Hold on.”_

_“We’re coming.”_

_“We still have time.”_

_“We’ll save you. The gems will figure something out.”_

_“You’ll be OK.”_

_“Hold on.”_

_“Hold on…”_

_“Please.”_

* * *

“Did you hear me?” Connie looked up timidly, but Steven shook his head, so she continued, “I thought you might be able to, in your dreams or something.”

“I- I’m sure I would have! But I slept in the cell, and we didn’t get there for several hours.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

_They sat with their back to the ship, the sack lunch by their side almost untouched._

_They sat in the shade, alone for the first time all morning._

_They sat, trying not to think. It wasn’t working._

_The forest had long since reclaimed this vessel. It had bested Homeworld. So too would they. Yet, if anything, this monument proved even Homeworld was subject to the will of Time, so what chances did they have – they who had so little?_

_They heard the thud of approaching footfalls. They wiped their eyes and quickly stood, trying to look more confident than they felt. Feeling sorry for themself wouldn’t help, neither would showing weakness. They needed to be strong in Steven’s stead._

_A pink snout poked out from around the corner. Lion spotted them and approached slowly, head hung low, eyes full of worry. He nuzzled against them, seeking assurances they couldn’t provide._

_They buried their face in his mane and sobbed quietly. It didn’t count if no one could see._

 

_“Uh, hey,” Amethyst said._

_“Oh, you’re back.” They had expected a survey of the entire planet to take longer. “Have you seen Garnet? I wanted to talk to her.”_

_“I think she’s downstairs with Pearl.”_

_They made a note to go find her, after they finished up here, of course._

_“So, did you find anything?”_

_“No,” she sighed. “The other ships are all like- a billion times worse.”_

_They hadn’t allowed themself to hope for anything different. Their emotional reservoir was already beyond capacity, and they just didn’t have room for additional disappointments, “Well, I guess that means we’ll just have to work harder on this one.”_

_“Listen, ya don’t gotta do that.”_

_“I can’t just- sit around, Amethyst!”_

_“I mean, you don’t have to pretend everything’s OK.”_

_“It is, though.” They gathered another armful of gem junk from the ground and began to take it to the “window.” As they stood, they found her watching them skeptically. “I’ll admit, these circumstances are less than ideal,” they kicked their way through a pile of garbage, harder than was strictly necessary, “but as soon as we get this thing flying, we can zip over to Homeworld and rescue him.”_

_“And the hundred year travel time?”_

_“Pearl will have figured out a gravity engine long before then. Besides, I’m sure the Diamonds are very busy.” They tossed the garbage out of the hole in the wall and watched it crash into the ground with no small amount of satisfaction._

_“Phew! Guess we got nothin’ to worry about.”_

_“Well- I mean-”_

_“Let’s take a break!”_

_“What?!”_

_“Oh c’mon. I’ve been running around all day. Besides, what’s a few extra minutes on a hundred year voyage?”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous! We can’t just-” They finally caught the look she was giving them. “Alright fine. Everything isn’t OK, but we can’t just give up!”_

_“We’re not, but you gotta be honest with yourself. I know what it’s like to want to hide from your problems, but, trust me, that’ll only make you feel worse.”_

_“Why’d he do it?” they asked quietly. The question had been on their mind all morning, looming oppressively in the background of their every thought. So far, they hadn’t found an answer they could accept, but Amethyst knew him better than anyone. Surely, she could help. “How could he just **leave**?”_

_“I don’t know. I guess… Smoky always felt like we weren’t worth anything, like we didn’t matter.” She was staring at the ground, wringing her hair fretfully, “Maybe he thought that – y’know if he could stop Homeworld somehow – then we’d be better off without him.”_

_They kicked another pile of junk because they had reached the same conclusion. But then again, they weren’t sure there was any explanation they **could** accept, “How could he think that? It’s so-”_

_“Stupid?” she supplied._

_“So- Steven.”_

_“Eh, what’d I say?” They snorted. “Was that a laugh?”_

_“No!” they cried, mock defensively._

_“Uh huh. C’mere, you.” She pulled them into a tight hug and just held them quietly, but they knew it was as much for herself as it was for them._

_“We have to find him,” they sighed, looking out over the forest below. “So we can show him that’s just not true.”_

_“We will.”_

 

_Amethyst had disappeared mid-day, returning an hour later with a pile of scrap metal. While she and Garnet searched the Temple for more materials, it was their duty to assist Pearl in repairs._

_So far, the conversation between them had been casual when it hadn’t been sparse, but they took solace in the detachment of the mind-numbing labor. At first. Some part of them maintained that if they just kept busy, everything would work out, that their mistakes could be undone and their guilt absolved, that things could still go back to normal._

_Yet as their chore progressed so too did their unease, until they just couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m sorry!”_

_Pearl froze in her work. She quickly set down her welding torch and turned to face them, yet the stall in progress only made them feel more guilty: they should be dealing with the real problem, not talking about useless feelings._

_But Pearl didn’t seem to mind. She knelt beside them and spoke in her mentoring voice, “What for?” The worry in her eyes suggested she didn’t need an answer._

_“This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gotten captured, we could have formed a plan and taken them by surprise. Instead, I revealed myself to the enemy, offered them critical intel, and got myself abducted! For no reason at all!”_

_“Not the best approach,” she admitted._

_“And then, when you guys rushed in to save me, I couldn’t do anything to help! I thought I could protect him. I thought I could make a difference, but I was wrong. You gave me a chance, and I failed.”_

_“Yes, you did,” she said gently. “We all did, and one day, we’ll fail again too, but you weren’t wrong: even failures can make a difference. It’s easy to try, but to try and fail and try again? That’s what it means to be a Crystal Gem, and it’s why we’ll win in the end. When something on Homeworld becomes ‘defective,’ they discard it. They don’t see the use in broken things, the strength in their mending, the beauty as they’re reforged anew. But Rose did, and she taught me to try, that even in failure we would still be rebels.”_

_Her words filled them with a surge of determination, and they found themself not smiling, exactly, but not frowning, either. They could feel guilty later, but right now it was time to act._

_“It’s a hard lesson, but I know you’re its equal, so are you a failure, or are you also a rebel?”_

_“Rebel, ma’am!”_

_“I would expect nothing else from my star pupil! Now, we need another section of carbon-fiber-reinforced sheet metal. Could you find one approximately two by three miliunits?”_

_“Right away!”_

_“And do be careful, Connie! Sheet metal is dangerously sharp, so make sure to wear gloves, and remember to keep the sword pointed **away** from your body-”_

 

_“Listen, Connie,” Mr. Unidad started, “When we get this thing running, you’re going to have to stay behind. On Earth.”_

_“What! No Way!” Because they were a kid? Because they were human? Either way, that was so unfair! Not an hour ago, Pearl had shown them the necessity of perseverance, and now he wanted to talk them out of it? “Of course I’m going.”_

_Dad sat down in the dirt, and after a moment, they joined him. They would hear him out, even though there wasn’t anything he could say that could possibly change their mind._

_“The gems said the trip could take a really long time. Even if you could survive, how would your parents feel if you left them behind?”_

_“They’d know that I’m fighting in the interest of justice and for the good of life everywhere! To save my best friend, to protect the innocent, and to secure peace across the universe!”_

_He didn’t even pause to consider their words, “For a long time, Rose was all I had. Those years were precious and short, but I treasured every moment, and when they were over, I had Steven. But now, I’ve got nobody.” His gaze was barren; they couldn’t endure it. “Don’t put your parents in that position. I can’t force you to stay, but you need to at least be honest with them.”_

_“OK, Mr. Universe,” for what else was there to say? “I’ll talk to them.”_

 

_“It’s time to go.”_

_“We can keep working,” they insisted. “There has to be more we can do!”_

_“We’ll come back tomorrow, but we need to rest, and we need time to plan.”_

_When they didn’t argue, she turned and left._

_“Garnet.” The gem froze, and her head fell. “You’ve been… avoiding me.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because… I Saw this.”_

_“You **knew** he was-”_

_“No. This.”_

_They didn’t know what to make of that. “So, you didn’t know he was going to… go?”_

_“Not until it was too late.”_

_But they didn’t care about that. What did it matter, if he was still gone? What did anything matter, if it didn’t help bring him back? “Garnet, what am I supposed to do?”_

_She sighed, and in it was expressed the melancholy of ages, of periods they couldn’t fathom spent pondering that very question, “I still don’t know…”_

_“If we can’t- if- if he doesn’t- if I never-” they didn’t dare speak further._

_“Shh.”_

_Suddenly, she was kneeling beside them. Her visor was gone, and they saw her eyes for the first time. They thought they now understood why she wore it, for it was clear they weren’t the only one having trouble staying strong._

_“You’re not the first to come to me. I- I couldn’t help them either. I’m sorry. But the future is full of possibility. The only sure way to fail is to give up, and Crystal Gems never give up.”_

_“Steven did.”_

_“Steven made a tough choice, but he’s still fighting in his own way. We need to believe in him.”_

_“Do you?”_

_She took a long time to reply, so long that they thought she might have forgotten, “I’m trying.”_

_“I need to know. Is there any chance, any hope?”_

_“Anything is possible. In fact, I see a future where he’s already back, waiting for us to return.”_

_They tried not to hope too much as Garnet led them back. With the way she had said it, it was clearly no more than a platitude._

_Everyone else was already gathered around the warp pad: Pearl, circling around the inside, trying to outpace her thoughts, Amethyst, standing motionless, observing the ground dispassionately, Dad smiling weakly, his reassuring gaze undermined by his red, empty eyes._

_Something inside them broke. They ran up and hugged him around the legs, “I’m sorry! I had to go. I-” They turned to Amethyst and Pearl, “It’s not your fault!” To themself, “I was just trying to save you!”_

_No one reacted to their outburst, and one by one, they all assembled on the warp pad._

_“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry-”_

* * *

“Steven! It’s OK.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt everyone!” he cried, clutching his knees. Tears streamed down his face and pooled in his lap. “I was just trying to help.”

“I know. I know!”

More than anything, he wanted to be closer, to hold and be held, to know and be told that everything would be alright, but it was too hard; he had gone too far, and he didn’t deserve it, so he curled in on himself and wept in frustration and regret.

“It’s OK, really.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is.”

“Everyone feels awful, and it’s all my fault.”

“Steven, no, I wasn’t- I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It just… really hurt to lose you, and I know you didn’t _mean_ to hurt us, but you did! I know you were only doing what you thought was right, and I love that about you, but that doesn’t make what you did OK.”

Her voice came slow and soft, almost a whimper, “You left, Steven. You promised me that I could be part of your universe, but when it mattered most, you left me behind. You didn’t even ask, and when I cried out to you, you ignored me, when I begged you to stop, you walked away.”

His grip on his knees tightened, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I thought that way too, remember? So I- I _get it_. I really do.

“You did it for me, to protect me at any cost, but there’s more to life than living, Steven, and there are costs too steep to pay! That’s not what we’re about. That day, we agreed to work together, to fight together.

“You’re my Biscuit.” She leaned forward, seizing his hands, and gently tugged his attention away from the sand, “Aren’t you?”

His eyes snapped up to meet hers, shocked at the sincerity of the question, at the doubtful quiver in her voice. He found her eyes glistening and brows furrowed in a silent plea. “Of course I am!” he answered. “A-and that’s _why_ I had to go.”

“Steven!” Connie sighed. “Imagine if it’d been me, if I’d- run off like that!”

“I don’t have to! They almost took you. I’ve never been so scared, Connie. Even when I was on trial, at least you were safe.”

“It would have been OK,” she soothed. “We’d have been together! You escaped the zoo once; we could have done it again. We’d have found a way out. Together.”

“And then what? They’d just come back and try to take you again. They’re not going to stop until they have me, but maybe then, they’ll leave the Earth alone.”

“They’re not going to leave us alone,” she said sadly.

“They’re only here because they’re mad at _me!_ If I’m not here, they won’t come back.” Slowly, the doubts that weighed so heavily on his conscience were replaced with the certainty of his earlier convictions – not because they were right, not because he believed them, but because the alternative was too terrible to consider: that there was nothing he could do to fix it, that his sacrifice meant nothing, that his naivety had only hurt those he loved most. “I’m the only one who can do this.”

“Do you really believe that? That you don’t need anyone? That you don’t need me?”

He flinched as if struck. “N-no! But if I can stop them- if I can just make them forget- if I can keep everyone safe, don’t I have to try?”

“NO!” The beach resonated with the passion of her answer, carrying all the force of her own conviction. “You don’t have to sacrifice yourself; you don’t have to give up on your dreams; you don’t have to be unhappy; you don’t have to die!”

“If I don’t stop them, they’ll destroy the Earth. They’ll kill everyone! I- I have to do something, even if…”

“Steven! It’s been five _thousand_ years, and they _still_ haven’t moved on. They’re not going to just- kill you and forget about it! If that’s all they wanted, they wouldn’t have left! They would have found your mom eons before you were even born and finished it then.”

Steven hesitated; a cruel voice echoed in his mind, _I want my cluster, and I want that planet to die._

Connie wasn’t one to miss an opening, and she seized this one with all the excitement she dared, “They’re here to erase the Earth and any trace it ever existed, and we need to be here to stop them together.”

“N-no! They only wanted that because they thought she was gone,” Steven explained, rubbing his arm, “but if I turn myself in, they’ll forget about the Earth, and everyone will be safe.”

But even to him, his words sounded weak. At the time, it had seemed so straightforward; there’d been a kind of comforting simplicity to it, an assurance that his sacrifice would just fix everything. But suddenly, it all seemed so hollow. Had he really thought it would be so easy? That in one moment he could settle a conflict as old as humanity and assuage the wrath of ancient beings? Did he really think that his sacrifice was worth so much more than the billions before it? But it had to be so: that was his Purpose, wasn’t it? His destiny. His duty. And if he couldn’t, what worth was he anyway?

“I don’t feel safe,” Connie countered. “And when you were gone?” She shook her head, “I’ve never felt so vulnerable. If they had come back, how would we have stopped them without you?”

Connie could feel his faith wavering; they were so close! But she knew reason alone couldn’t convince him. There was more to it; something he didn’t want to confront, and she was afraid she knew why, “What you said, when they took you, about being your mom. You don’t believe that, right?”

“I-” As his hand found its way to his gem, he refused to meet her gaze.

“You’re not.” She squeezed his hand, “You’re not her.”

There was no trace of doubt in her voice, nor judgement either.

“How do you know that? I have her gem. What if… What if?”

It was a conversation that they had avoided before, for Steven was afraid of the answer.

But Connie knew the truth and inched closer, “I’ve never shared a juice block with your mom.”

Steven looked up, eyes gleaming, so Connie pushed forward again, claiming more ground, “I’ve never danced with your mom; I’ve never played tennis with your mom. Your mom and I don’t hang out or stay up all night talking about books. I don’t train so that I can protect your mom. I’m not _fused_ with your _mom_.” She moved her hand to his shoulder, “I don’t love your mom. Steven, I love you.”

As Connie leaned forward so did he. She closed her eyes and was met with a brief, experimental kiss. It felt like trust and tasted of understanding, “You can’t do this alone, and nobody wants you to try. We love you, so please, let us help. ”

Steven dove forward, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her neck. As close as they were, Connie sensed it coming, so she caught him and steadied him and rocked the incomprehensible, sniffling mess that was her best-friend-and-maybe-something-more.

They cried together but in place of frustration and fear came tears of relief, of joy, of reunion.

“I love you, so you can’t leave me like that again. It may not be death, but it’s not much better. It hurt so much: not knowing what’s happening, not being able to help, staring up at the stars and just wondering…” Connie sniffed and used her sleeve to wipe her eyes, “Wondering what they’ve done to you, what you’ve done to yourself, if you’re already gone, and we’re just too late.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted everyone to be safe. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“You _matter_ Steven,” she blubbered. “You matter. To the gems, to your dad, to me. More than anyone or anything. So promise me. Promise. Me. That you won’t abandon us again. That you’ll talk to me about how you feel, and that you’ll be honest about it.”

As if trying to squeeze concrete through a funnel, Steven swallowed past the knot in his throat, “I promise.”

“You’re not your mom, and you don’t have to be. I love you just the way you are; we all do. I know you think you’re not as good as her, but that’s just not true! You’re kind and loyal and brave. You care so much, about everyone, even if they don’t deserve it, and you’re always helping someone, even when you’re not out saving the world in your spare time. Just your presence can turn my day around; you’re full of such hope and joy that nothing seems impossible and that even the worst things don’t seem quite so bad. You’re an amazing fighter, but more importantly, you’re a peacemaker and a compromiser. You’re a human who’s also a gem, and there’s no one else like you! You have great taste in books and movies, and I can always count on you to see the bright side of things. And- and you make funny Tube-Tube videos, and you beta my awful fanfiction, and-”

She had to stop to take a shaky breath, and she used the pause to wrangle her thoughts back on track, “You’re just amazing, Steven! You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met! You’re my Jam Bud and my best friend, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything: not for your mom, not for peace with Homeworld, nothing. And I know the gems feel the same way. I saw it firsthand while-” Connie quickly shook her head, “Ask them. Ask them, and they’ll tell you how important you are to them, how no one could replace you, not even her.”

“You really think so?”

“Absolutely.”

Steven closed his eyes and held her close, “I love you.”

As the lingering mist dispersed, Connie sighed in relief. She adjusted her hold to compensate, unwilling to let her Biscuit slip even that much further away, to let him feel any less secure, even for just a moment.

“I love you too, and if you ever try something like that again, I’ll abduct you myself, and we’re going back to Plan A.”

Steven attempted a chuckle; it came out wet and stuffy, but Connie smiled for the first time since her capture.

“That ‘A’ wouldn’t happen to refer to our future-”

“Apple farm?” they asked each other.

They laughed in one voice, a delightful and triumphant sound that echoed off the cliffs and danced across the waves.

“Only the best in the world!” Connie sniffed. “No, the whole universe!”

“People travel from all over just to try them!”

“Some say the apples taste magical.”

Steven gasped, “We could have a bunch of apple pets!”

“They could help with the harvest!”

“And Lapis and Peridot could lend their expertise!”

“Our families could warp in to visit every day!”

“I could even invite uncle Andy.”

“And I could study law in my free time.”

“We could use the profits to run for president!”

“I could finally do something about Peak Oil. It’s the perfect plan!”

“Yeah, much better than-” He pulled back just enough to catch her encouraging smile, to gaze into her eyes as he helped reforged their promise, “Than facing it alone.”

And while the burden of purpose still hung over him, the knowledge that he had someone to share it with revitalized the seed of hope so withered within him, and he knew again that, in time, they would find a way. Together.

Connie didn’t know how long it would be before forgiveness beget forgetfulness, before the nightmares no longer visited, before she could see him leave and not question whether he would return. She knew it might never be the same again, but that was OK, she thought, because they had made it through and were stronger for it: they would support each other not just in the adventures but in the recoveries, protect each other not just in body but in mind, live for not just themselves but each other, and love not just each other but themselves. And should they fail, they would talk, and they would listen, and time and understanding would see them through once again.

So she nodded decisively and let their foreheads brush, “No matter what comes-”

“We do this-”

“Together.” Stevonnie sighed as they opened their eyes and used Steven’s bedsheet to wipe their moistened cheeks. By the light of the moon, they could just make out the spot on the beach where they’d first held this conversation, that fateful day reality came crashing through the clouds.

“You know, I’m really glad that you’re part of my universe.”

They gathered their knees close to their chest and leaned against the wall, staring out toward the stars, toward Lars and the Off-Colors, toward the Diamonds and their legions, toward the ever-persistent call of destiny. One day, they knew, they would face it, together, whole, but for tonight…

“Let’s just- be me for a little bit.”

They smiled and nodded. That was exactly what they wanted.

Later that evening, Pearl would sneak past Greg and up the stairs to find Stevonnie sprawled across the bedsheets, a smile of contentment coloring their face in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few more sections (including the epilogue) that I might add, so stay tuned for those.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading,
> 
> TMP


	3. Chapter 3

The war was long over. The world was at peace.

Little Nora lay asleep in her cradle.

All was silent; all was still, save for the waves who dared kiss the shore.

“Steven don’t! Come back! Please!”

Steven shook his wife awake and held his head close to hers.

They breathed as one, and the thought that had bothered Connie for so long faded for the last time. They snuggled back into sleep, delighted with the ending they’d written together.

And so the three rested in the interlude between two great adventures, and all was silent, and all was still.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus drabble! (Chapter 3 wasn't a future vision.)

With grit teeth and furrowed brow, Stevonnie fought their most important battle.

But they weren’t alone; Garnet sat on the bed beside them.

She dabbed the tears from their eyes and the sweat from their forehead, humming to herself a simple refrain, an anthem as old as human civilization.

Cupping their face between her gems, she kissed their forehead, “I believe in you.”

“Are they going to be OK?” Greg asked.

“Yes.”

They shared a smile.

He followed her to the couch serving as his temporary home.

“Night, Greg.”

“Night, Garnet.”

She strolled into her room, humming all the while.


End file.
